Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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