help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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