all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
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You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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