textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
