my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
