I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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