I smell stomach acid.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
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He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
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I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize