I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
