Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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