this beer tastes like vomit already
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
