I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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