They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
