Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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