She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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