we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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