i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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