My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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