Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
this boner is exhausting
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
