Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
