Can i not drive my cunt home
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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