I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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