i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
