I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
