Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
