Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
