and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize