Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
