i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
