so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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