You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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