I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
