omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
