i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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