That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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