im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
