His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
