No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
And then my night got REAL pukey
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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