Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom said you looked used
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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