Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
