You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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