I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
