You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
