where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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