and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
