Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
