You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
