he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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