when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
