On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
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I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
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Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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