I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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