I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
