i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
