He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
