the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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