the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
