Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
