I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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