Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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