I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Randomize
