Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
