Define "chronic" masturbator.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
