it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
