I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
