Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
