Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Fuck appropriateness.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
